


But, I’m Not Gay

by pleaseactsurprisedxx



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Bechloe Week 2020, Coming Out, F/F, Gay Panic, Jealousy, Minor Jeca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleaseactsurprisedxx/pseuds/pleaseactsurprisedxx
Summary: Day 7: Bechloe week 2020 a mix of jealously and panic.Set in Beca’s sophomore year. Chloe and Jesse are jealous of each other. Jesse gives Beca an ultimatum and she chooses Chloe without hesitation and gay panic hits.
Relationships: Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 18
Kudos: 113





	But, I’m Not Gay

**Author's Note:**

> I twiddled this out in just a few hours, so I hope it is not complete shit. P.S. I’m sorry my head canon always has them at the empty pool, but somehow they end up there. I guess I’m a fucking sap!

The party was deafening. You could barely hear your own thoughts let alone anyone’s voice through the loud, bumping music. It smells like stale beer, sweat, and hormones, typical of really any college party. Beca finds herself dancing with Chloe. Well, if you call grinding on each other dancing. Beca is a few drinks in and pushing back the thoughts of how much she is enjoying her friend grinding on her, because Beca is totally not gay. She has a boyfriend. She thinks she should probably go and find Jesse, but before she could disengage from Chloe, Chloe grabs her shoulders and grinds harder down on her leg. She simultaneously feels rough hands grab her hips possessively from behind. So, that’s how Beca finds herself sandwiched between her boyfriend and her best friend.

Chloe sees Jesse as he approaches, and she tries to push down the green demon that eats at her anytime she sees Beca and Jesse together, but it is difficult after a few drinks, and as she sees him approach, making full eye contact with each other, his boyish face set in a deep scowl, she doesn’t know what comes over her. Instead of walking away and letting Beca dance with her boyfriend, she grabs her shoulders and pushes their bodies closer. She is still staring at Jesse as he roughly grabs Beca’s hips. Neither daring to blink first. It is tense and all three feel it. Beca stiffens up between them, but Jesse or Chloe don’t notice at first, still both aggressively dancing and staring at each other.

Jesse turns Beca around to face him and plants a long wet kiss to her lips, he pulls her in for a hug, smiling at Chloe over Beca’s shoulder. Chloe lets go of Beca and finally walks away defeated. Jealously is boiling deep in her chest, all she wants to do is rip Beca from his smug ass face. She ignores people trying to get her attention as she stomps towards the alcohol in the kitchen. She needs something to numb the fact, that Beca will never be hers, no matter how jealous she feels.

Beca pulls away from Jesse. She turns her head and realized Chloe disappeared. “What the hell was that?” She screams over the music.

Jesse’s face is set in a scowl, “What was what?” His words bleed into the music. Beca angrily grabs his wrist and leads him to a quieter place, through the throngs of people in the house, through the kitchen where she thinks she sees a glimpse of red, to finally the back porch. There are a few people stumbling about, and you could still hear and feel the music rumbling through the house.

Beca crosses her arms and takes a step back, “What was that?” She asks.

Jesse replies, “What was what, Beca?”

She huffs, “What was that with Chloe in there?”

He replies back sternly, “I should be asking you the same damn thing!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Beca yells back. 

“She is obviously into you! And you just let her grind all over you! How is that supposed to make me feel?” Jesse asks her angrily.

“That is so out of line, Jesse. We are just friends! And I’m not gay!” Beca replies getting louder, attracting attention of other party guests, including the redhead that was the topic of conversation, but the couple hadn’t noticed.

Jesse rolls his eyes, “Please, Beca, you like girls at least a little bit. I catch you checking them out all the damn time!”

Beca’s face turns red in anger, “I’m not gay!”

“You let chloe touch you and get close in ways I can only dream of! How fucked up is that?” He starts to pace, and only then does he notice the crowd, immediately his eyes lock on blue ones.

“That’s not true, Jesse. Chloe is like that with everyone!” She cries out; Her back is turned to the growing audience. Chloe tries not to react, because while she does invade personal space with everyone. She acts so different towards Beca, it’s hard to believe Beca doesn’t realize she is on love with her. Jesse definitely does though.

“I’m so over this battle, Beca. It’s me or her!” He says while pointing to the redhead in the crowd. 

Beca turns around and sees her in the growing crowd of spectators but immediately looks back towards the boy. “Jesse, that isn’t fair. You can’t make me choose between you and my best friend.” She says more quietly, not making eye contact with anyone.

“I can and I am. Choose. What’s it going to be?” His voice is stern and loud.

Chloe finally speaks up, “Jesse this isn’t necessary.”

His face turns a shade more red, “Stay out of this, Chloe! You’ve done enough.”

Beca looks between both of them and without hesitation, “I choose her.”

Jesse’s face falls, “What?”

Chloe tries not to smile. She feels like she came close to losing her forever.

“You heard me,” Beca replies.

He crosses his arms, “But you’re not gay right?” 

Beca gets more angry every second the conversation continues. “Stop trying to tell me my own sexuality. You made me chose between you and my best friend. I choose her.” Beca replies. Chloe face falls when she realizes, that of course Beca doesn’t love her that way. All she will ever be is just a friend.

“Dykes! Both of you,” he drunkenly slurs out!  


The word knocked the breathe of Beca, but all she respond back with is “I’m not gay!”

“Woooah, dude. That’s enough.” Benji surprisingly yells out, with authority. He goes and starts to escort him off the property, Jesse starts to fight back but calms down when Benji says, “Come on, dude. You’ll regret this in the morning.” 

The crowd disperses, and Beca is left standing there awkwardly and alone. Chloe tries to reach out for Her, but immediately she is shrugged off. She holds back the tears at the rejection.

Beca sulks away, back to the Bella house, tears flowing freely. Her Thoughts drown out every single thing.  _I’m not gay! How dare he? Checking out girls, I’ve never._

Images and memories flood through her head, girls “admired” throughout school and what if they were crushes?  _ Impossible. I’m not gay.  _

She thinks about the barista at the local coffee place and how cute Beca always thinks she is.  _ I’m not gay.  _

She thinks about how Jesse is the only person she has ever been with, but she hasn’t really enjoyed a single encounter. She thought it was just how she felt about sex, but what if?  _ Impossible. I’m not gay!  _

She thinks about Chloe and how she feels any time she enters a room.  _ That’s because she is your best friend. I’mdefinitely not attracted to her. I’m not gay. _

She realizes in a daze, that Chloe isn’t the only girl she felt this way about. There were others. Macey Spencer in 7th grade, Caity Sherman all through high school. Both of which were redheads.  _ But I’m not gay. _

One last random memory floods through her mind. A naked Chloe Beale standing in her shower. Beca being scared but intrigued. How good her body looked.  _ Holy fuck. I might be a little gay... _

She instantly goes into a panic.  _ How emotionally stunted do I have to be to never realize this?  _

She blindly runs into the house, tears falling more freely and immediately smacks into Cynthia Rose. She was done up nicely, and looks to be ready to leave. 

“Beca, What’s wrong?” Her deep soothing voice asks. She wraps her arms around the smaller girl and Beca sobs into her chest. Words muffled, sounding like gibberish.

“What was that, babe?” CR asks.

Beca breathes in deeply, “I think I’m gay. I think I’m in love with Chloe.” She immediately breaks down again. CR guides her to the couch and immediately breaks off her date plans. She is sure her date would understand the circumstances.

“Let’s go to my room and talk.” CR suggests.

Beca takes her in and realizes she interrupted her night out, “No, go out. I’ll be fine.” She responds with little emotion.

“Dude, I’m staying here with you so none of that. Let’s go!” she suggests again and Beca nods numbly. 

It is strained silence at first and then Beca slowly relays what happened at the party. CR reacts to the story and tries not to get angry but it is hard. After the story finishes, CR stays quiet for a moment, but angrily replies, “Jesse had no right to give you an ultimatum. He definitely didn’t have a right to do all that publicly. He is lucky I wasn’t there, or I would have shown him a Dyke,” she scoffs, but quickly calms down. Beca doesn’t reply.

Her timbre voice lulls out softly, “I know this is hard. It is different for everyone. If you have questions, I’ll answer them, no judgement, Cap!”

“How can I not realize until I’m almost 20? How dumb do I have to be?” She almost starts crying again.

“Beca there are grown 50 year olds that are married with kids before realizing they are gay! Everyone is different. I’ve known since kindergarten, but some take longer. There is not right way here.” She says patting her legs.

This kind of calms her down, but not really. Beca just feels confused. The pair talks for another hour, Beca quietly asking questions, while CR answers.

“What do I do about Chloe?” Beca finally asks.

“What do you want to do?” CR asks back. 

“I don’t know!” Beca fiddles with her hands.

“Well, Jesse was wrong about a lot, but there was one thing he was right about.” She croons.

Beca looks up and eyes CR apprehensively, “Yeah and what’s that?” She asks, her typical snark coming out.

“Damn, girl, you really are oblivious.” She laughs out. Beca scoffs and scrunches her eyebrows in confusion.

“Chloe has been over heels in love with your sulky, angsty, white ass since we joined the Bellas.” CR exclaims!

“What!?” Beca shrieks.

“Think about it Beca!” The other girl states.

And Beca does, and when she does she can almost hear the glass breaking as thoughts of the last two years flood her senses. She jumps up, “Holy fuck. I got to go find Chloe.”

CR scrunches her face, and speaks in a serious tone, “Yo, be sure this is what you want before you chase after her. Don’t hurt Red.”

“I think I’ve always wanted her. I just wouldn’t let myself realize it.” Beca says quickly before rushing out of the door. She almost trips down the stairs to find Chloe’s room empty. She can hear chatter of the other Bella’s coming in from the party. She runs down the second step and still no Chloe.

“Where is Chloe?” She croaks.

“We thought she was with you,” Stacie responds wide eyed.

Beca doesn’t respond before running out the front door. Her feet flap on the asphalt as she runs down the block. The party was shutting down, but she scurries through the remaining guests, but no red head was in sight. She gloomily leaves the party again, thinking about where the redhead would go. She decides to walk through campus and try and find her. She gets close to the auditorium where they practice and she stops dead in her tracks.

She can hear Chloe’s voice carrying throughout the campus faintly. She immediately starts running towards her voice. She finally reaches the voice and Chloe is sitting alone at the edge of the empty pool. Her voice is resonating off the side. It makes Beca’s skin prickle. “Her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like their not shining.”

Beca doesn’t move at first. She totally takes Chloe in sitting the moonlight, her hair almost glowing and joins in the next verse, “Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly with out her trying.” Chloe jumps and turns to look at Beca. She smiles radiantly, but she still seems sad, like part of her light was gone. Chloe grips onto the almost full beer bottle in her hand. Beca sits silently beside her, she slowly looks towards Chloe and continues the singing “She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day.” Chloe’s smile deepens and she harmonizes with Beca until they finish the song.

It’s stunningly quiet after the impromptu duet. Chloe hands Beca a beer from the container beside her. She twists the cap and the fizz from the cap is unbelievably loud.

Chloe looks at her feet, “I’m sorry about Jesse. I didn’t mean to—“

Beca turns and makes Chloe look at her. “It’s not your fault... I think Jesse was right.”

Chloe’s heart shatters. She fears that Beca is talking about the ultimatum. She already regrets her decision. She can’t keep her face from falling. “If that is what you need to do.” She goes to get up.

“Chlo, wait,” she reaches out to stop her, hand landing on her thigh. “I meant about the me maybe liking girls.” Chloe relaxes, lets out a breathe she didn’t realize she was holding, and turns towards Beca.

Beca continues, “So, I’ve done some crying and some talking.” She pauses to take a long draw from the beer bottle. “I think I may have feelings for you. I think I may like girls. Fuck this is hard to talk about.” She practically drains the beer in her hands.

Chloe’s face lights up. Her energy practically blinding. “I like you too, Beca. But What do you want to do about it?” She asks gently, terrified of the scaring the younger girl away. 

“I...I don’t want to rush into this. This is all so...new and fresh. I don’t want you to feel like an experiment or a rebound, but can...can I kiss you? I want to see something.” Beca asks slowly.

Chloe slowly nods and licks her lips in anticipation. Beca nods back and whispers “Okay,” while leaning forward slowly. It feels like minutes pass before Beca actually closes the gap. It is tentative and slow at first. Beca’s first thought is  _Wow, her lips are soft_.  The second was  _ huh, no stubble.  _ As the kiss picks up, slender hands thread through her hair instead of bulky, rough ones. Beca suddenly understands every single line of every single romance song. Stars bursts behind her closed eyelids, and Chloe’s kiss explodes bittersweet on her tongue; she tastes like honey and cheap beer. She felt more from this one kiss than she has from every other physical interaction she ever had combined. Her last thought before pulling away was  _ okay, I’m definitely gay. _

“Wow,” Beca mutters and immediately blushes when she realizes it was out loud.

Chloe’s giggle resonates through the empty space. “Good wow or bad wow?” She asks, her eyes twinkling with mischief and alcohol.

“Good, definitely good.” She whispers and asks, “Can we pick this back in a few weeks after I have time to process...everything?”

Chloe smiles brightly, “Of course, Becs. Take whatever time you’ll need. I’ll be here. I’ve always been here.”


End file.
